A Day in the Life
by DB the Unknown
Summary: A saries of oneshots that take a brief look into the lives of everybody's favorite 'mons: the Legendaries! For Silverumbra's contest, possible pairings in later chapters
1. Zapdos

Disclaimer: I don't own Pokemon. Ha, I'm now un-sueable!

AN: This is my first submission for the contest on Silverumbra's forums. Let's hope the judges don't find out about the steroids I took to enhance my writing performance!

_1: Zapdos_

The villagers poured out of their huts to behold the coming of the great god. They saw it approach from miles away, appearing as an incandescent yellow spark on the horizon. As the creature drew nearer, he filled the sky above them with its radiance, the electrical arcs constantly jumping between his feathers giving him a glow like a second sun. It landed among his worshippers, the beating of his wings threatening to topple the nearby thatched dwellings.

The great bird appraised his followers with cruel, violet eyes. They supplicated and averted his gaze, cowering before his might. Zapdos truly did love when humans did that. The mainland of Kanto hadn't properly worshipped him in decades, having become full of arrogant, impious pokemon trainers that dared challenge him. On these small, isolated islands, pokeballs had never even been heard of. These people he could still bully with impunity.

"Welcome, O great god," said the high priest of the village, adorned in a palm-leaf headdress fashioned into the likeness of Zapdos' own head. "We have long awaited your coming. Please, grace us with your presence and please, _please_ don't smite us," the priest semi-pleaded. He clapped his hands, and two of the village's loveliest maidens came before Zapdos, slipping wreathes of fragrant flowers around his avian neck. Two more came, offering him platters piled high with tropical fruit. The great bird gave a coo of contentment, disproportional to the being's great size and ferocity. _This is the life,_ he thought to himself as more beautiful women came to stroke his feathers.

The great bird of lightning feasted with his subjects, pecking at the fruit like some gigantic pigeon. The villagers danced and sang, telling stories and myths about the mighty deeds of the great Zapdos. Zapdos rejoiced.

At least he did for the first few hours.

Around the fourth hour of the celebration (including the listing of Zapdos' several thousand commandments, almost all of which were completely made up), the great bird was becoming rather tired of his followers. _This was fine before, but I _really_ need some excitement now. Perhaps some smiting is in order._

He eyed his adoring followers, looking for an excuse for righteous retribution. With all the goofy commandments they listed (about a tenth of which he could remember) they had to have done something wrong. But try as he might, he could find no breach of conduct or etiquette, no faux pas or trespass. As far as he could discern, they were acting in perfect accord to his (supposed) will. _Oh well, _he thought, _I suppose I'll have to make something up. Clearly, ticking off their god should count as some sort of sin, regardless of the reason._

Electricity began to spark across his body, incinerating the leis around his neck. The clear blue sky darkened and was consumed by purple clouds, traveling from horizon to horizon like the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Zapdos always loved that effect.

The villagers looked on in growing horror, kneeling before Zapdos in the hope of gaining some mercy. "What have we done to anger you so, O mighty Zapdos?" frantically implored the high priest. "Did someone covet their neighbor's wife? Did we endorse gay marriage? Has our lack of human sacrifices displeased you? Why are you vengeful? **What did we do wrong!?**"

"You were boring," Zapdos called as he flew into the air above the rapidly dispersing worshippers. "Gods should not have to tolerate such niceties as yours_._" Of course, the villagers could not understand the language of the pokemon Zapdos, and only heard his feral cry, sounding somewhere between a crow's caw and a crack of thunder. The clouds swirled and boiled around Zapdos in the sky like ducklings trailing their parent.

Bolts of lightning, hotter than the surface of the sun and quicker than thought, arced from the jagged wings of Zapdos and struck the earth with a crack like a giant's bullwhip. They struck the ground indiscriminately, setting trees and thatched huts on fire, leaving puddles of liquefied glass where they hit the sand. From the sheer randomness of the destruction, either the great bird could not really control what he destroyed, or just didn't care. A close observer could not tell whether the flash in Zapdos' violet eyes was from the strobe effect of the lightning, or just from sheer madness.

"Yes, run, scurry, fleee!" he cawed in joy, bolts striking near the escaping humans. "None of you can dare oppose me! I am Zeus, I am Thor, I am the Thunderbird, I am GOD! I decide who lives and who dies, I strike down the unbelievers, and I am accountable to none! I am above all and…" Zapdos' psychotic tirade was cut short by the Aeroblast that streaked down through the clouds and struck him full in the back, plunging him toward the earth with enough force to leave a crater on impact.

The great god lay prone in the depression he made, feathers a mess, talon twitching in the air pathetically. The angry violet clouds parted as a silver, serpentine figure descended. She landed near the fallen Zapdos, disapproval evident on her swept-back face. "Honestly Zapdos, I can't leave you alone for one damn day without you trying to smite a village of worshippers."

The mighty Zapdos managed to right himself, looking severely ruffled and undignified but otherwise unhurt. "Oh come on Lugia, I was just having fun. What's wrong with that?" he said like a petulant child. "It's wrong because your definition of 'fun' fits most people's definition of 'casual genocide.' How do you even _get _worshippers, if you treat them this badly?" The Beast of the Sea questioned. "Well usually, once I purge an island of human life, the other islands tend to start offering me tribute. Weird, isn't it?"

"Look, just get back home or I'll tell Arceus about that whole 'I am God, I am accountable to none' comment," ordered Lugia. "Okay," he said like a boy who had just been grounded. He took off, headed for Lighting Island without even a backward glance. The villagers began to return to their homes (the homes that weren't on fire, that is).

The high priest and his retinue of servant girls cautiously approached Lugia, wary of their last dealings with a god. "You defeated the wicked Zapdos?" he inquired with awe. "Yeah, I do that all the time," she said off-handedly. "Hmmm," pondered the high priest, doing some theological arithmetic. Soon, he came to a conclusion. "All hail the new goddess, defeater of Zapdos!" he cried out, trying to rally support from the villagers.

"What?" Lugia said as several maidens approached her with leis. She snapped her beak at them like they were wielding some sort of weapon. "You morons, I'm not a god and neither is Zapdos! You shouldn't worship him, it only encourages the little sociopath." "Yes, we shall head your commandment not to worship false idols, O great goddess!" wailed the old priest as the other villagers began bowing before Lugia. "I just told you, I'm not a- oh, just forget it," she sighed, before flying off to follow the great bird Zapdos.

AN: So, there's my first entry in SU's contest. Judges and readers, I hope you enjoyed. Read, review, and look forward to the next installment!


	2. Palkia

AN: Okay, this is my second submission for SU's contest. At first I had some difficulty with this one, but then I saw it as an opportunity to explain something that's always bothered me…

_2: Palkia_

"As you can see, it's already furnished. You could move in right now if you wanted to," said the real estate agent as he led the young couple through the house. They gazed around with wide eyes, taking in the immensity of the place. "Yeah, that's great," asked the young man, not really paying attention, "so what's the square footage of this place?"

"Well, I don't have the specifications with me, but I think it's about 10,000 square feet, all told." At the mention of this implausibly large number, the couple's jaws dropped open like twin whales basking for krill. "But…but that's impossible! This place didn't look even close to that big outside!" said the young woman accompanying the young man. "Eh, what can I say? The architect did a lot of interesting things with the place," said the real estate agent, still wearing his trusting smile.

"Well, it's very nice. _Very_ nice," said the young man, "but there's no way we could ever afford a place this big." The real estate agent's grin ratcheted up a few more degrees.

The real estate agent told the young couple the price.

The two young lovers just stared for a few seconds, both wondering if the real estate agent had forgotten a couple of zeroes on the price. They quickly went into a huddle, hurriedly whispering to each other while the real estate agent pretended not to hear.

They turned to face the agent, concern deeply set on their faces. "Um, would this place happen to be built on an ancient burial ground?" asked the young man. "Not that I'm aware of," politely responded the agent. "Okay, was the previous resident brutally murdered in this house?" asked the woman. "The house was completed a few weeks ago, so there were no previous residents."

The couple continued to grill the estate agent. "Is there a crack house nearby?" "No, this is a very good neighborhood" "Was this house built on a nuclear waste depository?" "No, and I have a Geiger counter to prove it." "Are we near a garbage dump?" "You probably would have smelt it by now if we were."

The real estate agent was starting to be fed up. "Look, is there any point to this interrogation?" he asked brusquely. "We were just wondering if there was something terrifyingly wrong with this house," responded the young man.

"What makes you think there's something wrong with it?" asked the agent. "Well, there has to be a reason it's so unbelievably cheap! You'd tell us if there was, wouldn't you?" said the young woman, getting to the crux of the issue.

"Let me assure, you, there's nothing wrong with this house. I'm merely doing you a bit of a favor here. And no," he said quickly, noting the couple's sudden looks of worry, "I'm not doing anything illegal by offering this place at such a low price. I'm just being a pal. So, do you want the house or not? You could buy it right here and now if you really wanted to." The agent's smile came back, all teeth and shininess like a predator baring its fangs. "Of course, if you don't want it, I do have other prospective buyers coming by later."

The couple went into another huddle, discussing this new development. They soon reached a decision. "Okay, we'll take it," the man said, bringing out his checkbook. 'Excellent," said the agent, eyeing the check the man was writing out in as inconspicuous a manner as possible. "Just sign here," he said, offering the couple a sheaf of legal-looking documents that seemed to be written in microdot, "and you're set."

* * *

Palkia walked out of the house, carrying the signed documents in his briefcase and the check in his hand. He turned back to the house that now belonged to the young couple. While from the inside it had the dimensions of a small mansion, it had the dimension of a small parking garage on the outside. _Of course there's a reason it's so cheap,_ he thought to himself with a chuckle. _From out here, they just bought a tiny shack._

He walked down the street, whistling a merry tune and pondering what he'd spend his well-earned human money on. He would have to pay back Mew for the Transform job. It made selling real estate much easier if you look like the species you're selling to. But Mew's cut of the profits was inconsequential. It was infinitely profitable to sell space when you can make more for free.

AN And there you go. Palkia being involved in the real estate business of the pokemon world was the only explanation I could think of for why every building in the games behaves like a bloody Tardis (extra points if you get that incredibly nerdy reference). Sorry if it sucks, it was sort of a rushed job. Readers and judges, review and enjoy!


	3. Shaymin

A.N. Okay, I'll admit it, the last chapter was far from my best work. I was completely lacking in inspiration of what to do with Palkia (I had Diamond, so…yeah). However, this time, I have quite a few entertaining ideas…

_3: Shaymin_

The sun slowly rose over the Flower Paradise that beautiful Valentine's Day, the field covered in its namesake despite the frigid February weather. Flowers of various colors and sizes and shapes grew in irregular patches throughout the valleys and hills of this secret Eden, all dusted with morning dew that shined like prisms.

Beneath the ostentatious blooms was a thick grass as spongy as moss, dotted with small pink flowers of its own. A small clump of what seemed to be more of this grass shifted slightly and blearily cracked open one bloodshot eye.

_Urgh, I hate the sun_, the creature thought grumpily. _What Legendary is in charge of the sun, again? Ho-Oh? I should snap her neck later. Well, I suppose I'd better get up._ The clump of grass uncurled itself, revealing a small white and green hedgehog. It slowly looked around, squinting at the bright flowers that were already beginning to give her a headache. _Urgh, I hate flowers, too. Man, I hate a lot of things,_ she mused, _I should make a list. It worked for Nixon. Mind you, I hate Nixon, too, so…_

Her mental griping was cut short when she saw something completely unthinkable, something so strange and otherworldly and fundamentally _wrong_ it would make H. P. Lovecraft himself go mad from the revelation. Sitting on the grass mere feet from where she was sleeping was a bouquet of long-stem roses, tied up with ribbon. A little card said: _Happy Valentine's Day._

"What the *expletives deleted* is _this_!?" she shouted to no one in particular. "I mean, who in the Hell just sneaks into my home while I'm sleeping? They could have killed me if they wanted to? And," she went on to herself, "on top of all that, they give me flowers! I'm around flowers _all day! _If I wanted *expletives deleted* flowers, I would get *expletives deleted* flowers myself! Someone's gonna pay for this!"

The grass hedgehog thingy began to waddle along on her tiny legs, thinking of the journey ahead of her to get to greater Sinnoh. She'd have to take Seabreak path, the longest road in the region. "Great, now I have to walk this whole damn way with my tiny-ass Land Forme legs," she grumbled. "The weirdo with the roses couldn't have given me some Glacidea flowers instead? It would make finding them and beating the tar out of them so much easier."

* * *

Shaymin trundled past the large white rock that marked the entrance to Seabreak path. She stood on the barren, windswept ground at the end of Route 224 and decided to finally think about the hunt for revenge she had impulsively embarked on. _This was a dumb idea. In the time it took me to travel down that stupid path, the flowers weirdo could be miles away by now. I _really _wish I'd thought of that before I'd already come here. I hate my brain._

She glanced around, looking for something to beat to a pulp in order to make her trip worthwhile. Then she heard the giggling.

She looked to her side, spying three teenage girls, dressed in a manner that today said 'trendy,' would say 'tacky' tomorrow, and generally said 'moron' for all time. She knew not to underestimate them, though. They may look like vapid Valley girls, but only very skilled Trainers could make it to Route 224.

One of them turned and spotted Shaymin before she could curl up and disguise herself. Of course, being the sole patch of grass on a bit of barren rock wasn't that good of a disguise, but it was better than nothing. "OMG! It's, like, Shaymin!" the trainer shouted, causing the others to squeal in joy. _Oh good Lord, _Shaymin thought with dawning horror, _fangirls._

The girls swiftly surrounded her, making googley-eyes at the adorable Legendary before them. _Could these guys have left those stupid flowers? It is a sufficiently fangirlish thing to do,_ she thought. _No, they'd never be able to spell the message on the card right._

"Awww, look at the cute widdle hedgehog!" baby-talked one of the fangirls. "Who the Hell are you calling 'cute,' and 'widdle,' you human skank!?" Shaymin telepathically shouted at them. Like most Legendaries, she had some limited psychic power. However, Shaymin was not strong in mental powers, and her psychic voice was drowned out of the fangirls' heads by their constant internal 'Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!'

A fangirl reached down and, before the Legendary could react, picked her up and cuddled her like a teddy bear. Due to one of the trainer's arms being directly under Shaymin's chin, she was rendered incapable of wriggling free and biting the human's hand off. _Why the Hell couldn't I have spines? I would have loved spines right now! I'm even more useless than a normal hedgehog,_ she lamented.

"So, do you wanna, like, catch it or something?" commented one of the trainers. "Nah, it looks cute, but it's useless in a battle." "WHAT!?!" At this insult of insults, Shaymin mustered the strength to squirm free of the trainer that was holding her. "That's it! Prepare to die!" The Legendary closed her eyes and concentrated, summoning dread powers to unleash upon those who mocked her. The fangirls actually took a step back from the now-glowing, slightly vibrating Legendary, their instinct for self-preservation overcoming their attraction to cute and fuzzy things.

She released her ultimate attack. In a blinding flash of light, the ground around her was carpeted in grass and delicate pink flowers. She opened her eyes, expecting a smoldering crater and beholding a patch of greenery. "Well, *expletives deleted*."

"While the fangirl-trainers fawned over the flowers that had spontaneously appeared, Shaymin turned around and began trudging up Seabreak path to her home. "God damn whoever sent me those stupid flowers and made me come out here. God, I hate being cute."

AN: Yeah, I've seen Shaymin both as 'caring Earth Mother hippy' and as 'vain and condescending pseudo-Celebi,' so I decided to just go all out with 'hateful, foul-mouthed misanthrope with a Napoleon complex.' I think it works quite well. Oh, and the mystery of who sent the flowers in the first place will be resolved when he is picked for the contest. See ya!


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